When Alexia and Devan where little guys I remember one morning in particular... we were headed out the door and it was taking forever! For those of you with kids you know what I mean, no one can find their shoes, someone pooped their pants right as we were walking out the door.....As I laid them down to change them real quick I remember feeling so frustrated about this comedy of errors. I was a pro at changing diapers so it didn't take long and we were on our way. As we pulled out of the neighborhood and headed up the street we came upon a very serious accident that had clearly just happened. The thought came to me loud and clear..."Do you see why I had to slow you down today! I had to protect you and your babies! I had to keep you safe!"
That moment humbled me so much, it also taught me that when it seems like something so bad and frustrating is going on it just might be moving you in a different direction.
So now on to the brain scan.....
Let me explain a few things first. I only finished Brain radiation 3 weeks ago. Radiation continues to work on the body for 4-6 weeks post your last treatment. Meaning the side effects continue and in some cases get worse. But this is also why they don't do scans until 6 weeks after in-order to get more accurate results. So why did I get one at 3 weeks? Because I have great Doctors that know how badly I wanted to go on my daughters Senior trip that we had been planning and paying for for over a year. The deal was if there was no swelling or hemorrhaging I would be clear to fly over seas to Paris and Barcelona! At their advice we set up for my amazing best friend to come on the trip with me for added support. We just had to wait for the green light.
First thing this morning I went in for my Brain MRI. Then by 10:30 I was headed in to see the Amazing Dr. Herman! He came in and explained that all 13 tumors were still there and unchanged, there were some that appeared bigger but that could be due to inflammation. Not too discouraging because I was only 3 weeks out. Now the good news... no signs of any new brain tumors! And the not so great news there is a lot of swelling in my left front temporal lobe and hemorrhaging. There it was, no Europe. While I continued to talk with the Dr. I realized that Cameron was behind me crying. (He knew this had always been a dream of mine and he was so sad to see this happen) When I turned to console him the Dr. said to me, "You knew didn't you?" Yes I did. This whole time I have fought, I did all the treatments, I bought a new suitcase and clothes for Europe! But since Saturday I have not been doing good. I tried to chalk it up to just finishing Radiation on my lungs. But soon it was clear that some of this was definitely my brain. My legs and arms seem to weigh 500lbs. I constantly feel like someone is pushing me to the right. Head aches, extreme pressure in my brain. The list goes on. But the thing is about 3 days ago that same voice that said "Do you see why I had to slow you down" came back with "I'm so sorry but your not going to Europe, it's not safe for you" Yet again I was being both prepared and protected.
I was immediately put back on the steroids for the next 6 weeks and then re-scan for the MRI to see if the radiation did anything to the tumors. Keytruda has been put on hold again so long as my brain is swollen.
Although I am sad, I know this is for the best. I called Alexia during her lay over in Florida to let her know the news. She was very understanding. This is a school trip that she will have friends and chaperones on so she will still be able to go.
Thank you all for your prayers! Don't think for one second they are not being answered! Remember it is always His will be done, not ours. We have no way of knowing how we are being protected, and what amazing things are being prepared for us!
Since I am currently spending so much time in bed I thought it would be fun to do some ask Michelle Blogs. You can ask me anything! If you want to be Anonymous you can directly comment to this blog post as anonymous. Or you can reply on the Instagram or Facebook posts with your questions. I'm looking forward to hearing from you!
PS. I have to give some shout outs to some Incredible People that made my anniversary Super Magical....I'm sure there might be more but here is who I know about: Dream team member Becky Forse, Landon's Swim team Mom Janis Page, The Archer Hotel here in Austin, Lush, Paul Martins, and Mad Mikes Cakes here in Austin (What that man can do with cake is unreal!) Do me a favor and if you can go support those businesses! The generosity from them has been amazing!
And Now for your Dance Party! Enjoy!
My name is Michelle Kaley but I have many other names.....Daughter, Sister, Wife of 20 years to my High School Sweetheart, Mom to my 4 Beautiful Children, Ms. Michelle to my hundreds of Students, and as of 2016 Cancer Patient was added to the list.